Iove
by Miss.Breakable Butterfly
Summary: In which Kuji Tooi finally understands love and Enta Jinnai can free his heart. Enta/Tōi.


_Hi sweeties, I came back with a One-shot from my otp Enta/Tooi, this started as a drabble but you know how it goes, sometimes, the writings lengthen practically alone. Anyway, the few arts I find always make me want to write and here it is._  
_So I hope you enjoy reading._ _And I apologize in advance for spelling and grammar mistakes but english is not_ _my native language_.

_**Disclaimer**__: Sarazanmai is an anime series created by Kunihiko Ikuhara and produced by MAPPA studios. Everything that diverges from the canon is mine and is made on a non-profit basis. Say NO to plagiarism!_

* * *

**Love**

by Miss Breakable Butterfly

.

_"Authentic love is not a decision, nor is it free. The heart, especially the heart, is not free. Love is inevitable, it is the recognition of the inevitable"._  
_—Albert Camus_

* * *

There are days when Kuji wonders what love is. And it's not because he doesn't have a certain idea, because he does. He remembers the warm embrace of his mother, the soft tone of his father's laughter, the slap on his brother's back; how warm each of those actions left him.  
So Tooi has an idea, however, when he looks at Enta, with red cheeks, bright eyes drinking from each of the gestures and words Kazuki decides to give him, he feels that there is more that escapes him.  
Love is complicated.

"What are you looking at?" asks Enta suddenly. Her green eyes are wide and her cheeks are red. Tooi's heart speeds up but he doesn't fully understand.  
"Why are you in love with Kazuki?" He asks, his voice is low and frowning. Enta looks at him like a fish out of water. Then his expression closes and there is something almost sad about his expression.  
"Because he is a better person than I am," he says, his gaze in melancholy and a sigh escapes from his lips. "Sounds completely silly, doesn't it?"

Enta's eyes look at him and the smile he gives him doesn't reach his eyes.  
Tooi doesn't answer because he has no idea how to do it, love is complicated, it's all he knows.  
.

.  
Once upon a time there was a boy who, in a show of affection, gave another a missanga from which a small bead in the form of a soccer ball hung. The memory is diluted in the memory.  
That was love, but not the kind that Kuji Tooi, wants to decipher at this specific moment in his life.  
.

.  
Sometimes Tooi wonders, especially when his slightly more bitter and skeptical vein works at a hundred, whether Kazuki really is as alien to Enta's feelings as he seems.  
It is not as if his feelings were not like a bright neon light in the middle of a dark room.  
Enta would sacrifice his desires, figuratively and literally, for him, and yet Kazuki smiles at him and dismisses his actions without second thoughts.  
Each of those occasions Enta smiles and retreats as if Kazuki's actions didn't hurt him.

"Doesn't he despair?" Tooi says, because he is probably a little stressed by that naivety that borders on the absurd. Enta blinks as if he has no idea what he's talking about and then shrugs.  
"Loving is complicated," he says, as if it weren't something Tooi deduced for himself. "And besides, loving is never about what you get in return".

Tooi blinks in surprise, Enta sounds strangely mature, but all three have been through enough to change a bit.  
.

.

It is a spring morning when Tooi finds Enta crying in her special place, the place where Enta and Kazuki trained. Her arms surround her knees and her head is buried in the resulting hole.  
Tooi doesn't know what to do but memory brings back memories of several months ago, when he and Enta didn't understand each other well and becoming kappas was still a strange and bizarre novelty.  
Enta's shoulders shake and a particularly strong sob escapes from his lips, something in Tooi's chest shakes unpleasantly, and finally he decides to make his presence known by kicking the ball that Enta has left behind against the goal drawn on the wall.

Enta is startled by the sound and sits up, her eyes are swollen, her nose red and her cheeks soaked in tears.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" asks Enta, her voice sounds hoarse and although she tries to wipe her tears, new ones come out relentlessly.  
"I needed to be distracted," she says shrugging her shoulders, she doesn't mention Enta's tears or vulnerable state. "Sometimes I just need to get away from the memories of—"

His voice is turned off and a knot forms in his throat, sometimes, he still dials his brother's number to hear his voice in his mailbox message.

Enta nods and some guilt and shame is unleashed on his chest, because Tooi's losses are much greater and yet...

"How pathetic," he whispers and automatically regrets when Kuji's posture is tense, blushing and rushing to add. "Not you, not you, I swear, I'm talking about me".

Then he laughs and the tears that for a moment had stopped come back.

Indifference is no longer an option, and Kuji tentatively places a hand on his left shoulder.

"What happened?" Inquiere, the soft, comforting tonality. A door seems to open and Enta's smile fades and falls over Tooi's arms, his height is slightly shorter, his face is buried in his neck and his tears feel warm.

And there, as his tears flowed and whispered to him about Kazuki and the young girl from the kitchen club who had confessed to him that evening and whom Kazuki had apparently been interested in for the last couple of months, Kuji Tooi realized that he himself was in love.

«Loving is never about what you get in return». He remembered Enta's words and finally understood them while all he could do was see him cry for a love that had always been destined to perish.  
.

.  
With Kazuki's new relationship, Enta and Tooi spend even more time together. They go to the cinema, go to the video game room and even accompany Enta to an anime convention. And despite the long wait to be let in —these conventions were more popular than he imagined— and the crowd of people, Tooi would do it again without hesitation, especially because of the dazzling smile on Enta's lips when he found the merchandise he was looking for.  
In those moments Tooi feels like Enta all those months ago chasing Kazuki without receiving the slightest recognition.

Tooi gives and hosts without greater reward than a smile or a grateful nod. When he is especially fortunate Enta will take him by the hand or touch him lightly on an arm while laughing.

«Loving is never about what you get in return». He repeats himself again and again in his mind as he tries to advance along with Enta but Kuji is very different from Enta in so many ways and that evening, when Kazuki first meets them for more than a light exchange of words in what seems like months, Tooi finds himself tense.

Enta gravitates towards Kazuki like the earth towards the sun and a particularly large hole seems to be digging into his chest.

"It's good to have you here," says Enta, happiness is completely palpable in tone, her green eyes glow and her cheeks are slightly flushed. It's so adorable that Tooi's chest contracts with a couple of contradictory emotions. "Movie Saturday is not the same without you".

Kazuki laughs slightly embarrassed and Enta's cheeks blush even more. The movie night he had started two days after Tooi would find Enta crying and it had been a way to get Enta out of the abnormal spiral of sadness in which he seemed to be plunging and no one beyond him seemed to notice.

"I didn't even know we had movie Saturdays," says Kazuki, his silly smile is on his lips and Tooi is particularly offended when his response only decays Enta's for a second.

"You would know it if you were more considerate of your friends," he says without thinking, Enta's smile fades away and Kazuki's becomes a guilty expression, and although guilt fills him as well, he is not entirely repentant.

Enta frowned and then recomposed his expression into a forced smile.

"You should choose the movie Kazuki-kun while Kuji and I go for popcorn and drinks," he says and before Kazuki can reply he drags Tooi into his home kitchen.

Kuji stirs uncomfortably at his silence. He watches him take a couple of drinks out of the fridge and then from the pantry extract two packets of popcorn, places them on the stove and finally, turns to see him, his frown is furrowed.

"You didn't have to be so mean to Kazuki," he says, his voice is low but Tooi can't help but notice the reproachful tone in his voice. "You know that his relationship with Yuki-chan is very important to him, he's in love and can't—"

"Ugh... Why are you defending him" he says with a certain harshness, interrupting his lecture. Enta retreats, then his frown is pronounced more and he crosses his arms on his chest, in the background the popcorn begins to explode.

"Kazuki is in love and Yuki-chan is his first—"

"In love you say and yet that did not prevent him from being inconsiderate with you," said Kuji, somewhat twisted and ugly piercing his chest, everything got worse when he looked at Enta biting his lower lip.

"You know that wasn't so," Enta's voice was low and for a moment it seemed she was going to cry. Everything Tooi felt became a huge ball that threatened to explode in his chest when everything was perfectly clear.

"You are still in love with him," he said in a whisper that did not hide the statement and slight sadness with which it was accompanied. Enta's shoulders collapsed and the whole defensive attitude vanished. Now Kuji felt that he would be the one who would cry.

"I don't see how that can or can't be relevant," answered Enta as if what Kuji said earlier had been a question.

Tooi almost laughed, remembering all those months ago when he himself wondered if someone could be so alien to another's feelings.  
Instead he released something very similar to a grunt and grabbing Enta by the shoulders, kissed him.  
He was nothing like Enta and his brother had given him a valuable lesson, you have to go for what you want because no one will bring it for you. So, his lips closed against Enta's and he drowned out his exclamation of surprise with his tongue. And when Enta finally responded he knew that it had simply been the right move, after all, the good of the three was Kazuki and Tooi didn't mind stealing something that Kazuki didn't even know he could lose.

The popcorn burned but Tooi received one more kiss and a heart in exchange for his.  
.

.

Once upon a time there was a child who was no longer such a child, who gave another one a special edition dakimakura.  
The other child who was not so child smiled at him as he narrowed his gift tightly, then leaned slightly over the tip of his feet and his lips closed in a soft kiss against each other's lips.

This time memory saves; the smell, taste and touch remains like a tattoo, while Kuji Tooi finally understands love and Enta Jinnai can free her heart.  
.

.  
**End**


End file.
